Returning

We’re breaking up.

Me and social media.

Suddenly this partnership isn’t attractive anymore. Not exciting.

It’s just demanding. Addictive. Disrespectful. One sided.

And I’ve dated enough men who didn’t give two shits about my feelings, the sanctity of my body or infact the intricacies of my soul.

One guy I was in a long term relationship with, complained that I wasn’t glamorous enough for him. This was whilst he was holding down a job in a sewage works having cheated on me, the previous year right after my Dad died.

He wasn’t the first or infact the last who revealed himself to be a nasty little bastard.

Actually he was quite tall, but the term is lodging itself in my brain, so let’s not split hairs.

And like these men, social media took their time before revealing their true colours.

It’s a nasty little bastard (nlb) behind closed doors and is beginning to stink of rotten fish. And we’re massively addicted….let’s face it. And what’s more meta and the like, keep getting away with nlb-like behaviours. Fuckers.

The problem is I have left alot of stuff in nlb’s flat and it’s going to take me a while to fully rid myself of him.

But at least I can see the light now.

Side note: You know this post was going to be about altars and ADHD!

But all of this poured out.

There is a link though. I promise.

Social media has been SO appealing to me because I am a dopamine junky. I am easily bored, unfocused and distracted.

It’s very likely I would receive an ADHD diagnosis if I were to pursue one.

I have loved making content, learning so much cool stuff as I go along. Really, truly I have. But it’s beginning to feel like those relationships. All about them and what they want i.e. my body or my money and absolutely sweet FA about what I might like/want/desire/dream of or need.

And my raison d’etre is the stuff of the soul.

It’s about being with humans in all of their dimensions.

It’s about dancing with spirits, talking to ancestors, praying to rivers, tending to grief, delighting in magic, holding nature as sacred, honouring the divine and coasting through multiple dimensions simultaneously.

It’s about feeling and sensing and knowing things in many ways, some which are way too nuanced to accurately describe them but sit within me with absolute certainty.

It’s about heart and connection and listening as stories pour out of people in a kaleidoscope of emotions and soul song.

It’s about razor-sharp intuition in unexpected moments of clarity that occasionally announce themselves with little warning and land with enough truth that it takes your breath away.

It’s about the difficult pain of vulnerability and the gut wrenching certainty that the shitty parts of you and me will reveal themselves.

It’s about joy. And love. So so so much love.

That all feels like a pre-banquet snack of a description of what my life feels like. What my work in the world feels like.

Listen, I know I’m alot. But isn’t that great?

Being alot is the ingredient list I’ve been given. So I’m going to be it. Live it. Taste it. Roll in it. Be it. My extra-ness, alot-ness or weirdness is just a full expression of my humanity. And I’m here to remind you to fully inhabit your equivalent.

And so, of late my distance from that nlb social media has allowed me to rediscover myself again.

I had really begun to miss myself. And through this wee shift in my behaviour I remembered something.

I can find muself very quickly through an altar.

I LOVE making altars. Sometimes I do them daily.

I like them to be beautiful, focussed, divinely inspired and meaningful to me.

They open me up to everything I am instantly and keep that conversation alive by being a focal point in my home.

Many of my friends use online tools like Trello or AI in their lives to keep motivated and focussed. I use altars.

And I’m not really using them. I am weaving them into me.

I asked my faeries ( my term for my multiple streams of intuitive wisdom ) yesterday about creating daily altars and why I hard started doing that. They said altars are a portal for a conversation opening with different aspects of the divine, the planets, the cosmos and beyond.

My response?

Ok cool. Just thought I’d ask.

So instead of daily social media posts or videos, I have been creating altars.

And now writing about them.

And I need to just say this. If you read this blog, thank you so much. It’s quite weird for me to write this much. I’m not usually this focussed. By now I’d be off doing something else but here I still am.

I have a really weird relationship with my writing and yet people will often say to me “you should write more”. Or “I love your emails”. Or “I really miss your blog.” So thank you for reading. It means an awful lot and often surprises me.

I know this one was long and rambly but maybe you can relate. Who knows.

Watch out for those nlb’s